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Okay, breathe. Take inventory
Cody likes me a lot. 🌟
Trevor loves me a lot. 🌟
Cody treats me really good 99% of the time 🌟
Trevor treats me really good 65% of the time 💢
I laugh a LOT with Cody 🌟
I laugh some with Trevor ❔
I’ve never been anything other than a little bit more than best friends with Cody 🌟💢
Trevor was my first kiss 🌟
When Cody texts me, it’s either a flowing conversation or dumb things that make me smile 🌟
When Trevor calls me, he plays video games 💢
Cody kind of hurts me often, but I like wrestling 💢🌟
Trevor doesn’t wrestle me anymore, we just cuddle ❔
I have that dream catcher Cody made me 3 years ago 🌟
Half of my belongings are Trevor’s 🌟
Cody has one more year before College Station 💢🌟
Trevor is going into the military at any given time 💢
Cody helps me with school 🌟
I help Trevor with school 💢
Cody calms me down with reason 🌟
Trevor calms me down with… Emotion I guess? ❔

I’m brain dead but have stopped bawling

Now I actually have to fucking do something about all of this shit in my head all because I told Cody something I had told myself I wasn’t going to. I didn’t think about how bad this could actually be. I’m so fucking stupid son of a bitch

I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I’m not sure exactly which “it” I’m talking about right now, but regardless, something went too far.

I need a fucking hug or a few hundred

This is so so so so bad. Trevor is going to have nobody because he won’t be able to keep talking to me without having me all for his own. Shit.

I am too good at keeping things from trevor. That is so bad. I am such a bad bad bad person.

Why won’t my fucking eyes quit fucking leaking

I love Trevor so damn much. So damn much. But I can’t keep him AND Cody. But I have to keep Cody. Cody cares about ME. But Trevor loves me too. Like seriously why can’t I date both haha. Or date Cody, & have Trevor be okay with being best best friends. Because I will not be able to drop him like that. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR TELLING CODY MY FUCKING TUMBLR NAME BECAUSE NOW HE KNOWS EVERYTHING INCLUDING THIS AND I CAN’T HIDE IT AND PLAY AROUND ANYMORE

This is so bad. I can’t stop crying, I can’t do this.

Sincerely; FUCK.